That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
