Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
