dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
