i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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