Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
