i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
