your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
