I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
