oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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