So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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