I heard we made out
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
