he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
