I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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