I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
