She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
