The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
