I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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