my vag is so smooth its legendary
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm too high and old for this...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
