I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want a musical about memes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
