btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
