i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
