i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
