your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I love black thongs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
