I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
