so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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