U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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