Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
