oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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