I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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