i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize