I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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