First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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