ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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