I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
