youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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