Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
