you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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