that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
