It's like God shit irony all over that family
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
