i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
