So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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