So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
