I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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