You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
