I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
