youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
