i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
