I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
