You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
