is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
