I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
