For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
