i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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