You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
