so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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