alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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