Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
