I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
