He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
