Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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