You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
