Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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