Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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