thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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